Ep.3: The So-tteok So-tteok Incident

Episode 3 of the Playing with Traffic podcast in which Maxwell "Girl On Top" Trafficino searches for an elusive new Taco Bell item, expresses his deep love for ants on logs, and discovers new lows in VR Chat.

Transcript

SPEAKER_08 0:00

Hiatus.

SPEAKER_12 0:04

Cream.

SPEAKER_04 0:07

Spaghetti. Alright. We're locked in. Whoa, and we're in, baby. So so huge. Vinny, you were just saying there's a Taco Bell item that came back that you're very sort of.

SPEAKER_08 0:20

The SoTuk Sotuk is back in the case. This is rice cakes on a skewer.

SPEAKER_10 0:25

Four pieces drizzled into honey mustard and mayo. Oh gross. I didn't know it was mayo and honey mustard. I thought it was like some Korean sauce and another Korean sauce. This is from Taco Bell?

SPEAKER_04 0:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 0:38

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 0:39

Yeah. The Sotuk Sotuk. I've never heard or seen of this one.

SPEAKER_10 0:43

S O space T T E O K and then uh space S O and then space T T E O K.

SPEAKER_04 0:50

I can't get that either, dude.

SPEAKER_10 0:51

What is wrong with my Taco Bell? Just go to Taco Bell and ask for a sweet gang too though.

SPEAKER_08 0:58

This is f oh what? Yeah. You should call them right now. Call Taco Bell right now.

SPEAKER_10 1:02

Call Taco Bell right now. And what am I asking them for? So tuck, so tuck, and sweet gango.

SPEAKER_08 1:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:11

And if they say no, say, I have a bomb. Okay, we don't have to get quiet after I make a joke about having a bomb. Come on. No, my phone is worse.

SPEAKER_01 1:26

Thank you for calling talking about this, crazy how can I help you?

SPEAKER_04 1:29

Hi there. I was wondering if you guys have the Sotuk Sotuk available.

SPEAKER_06 1:38

They hung up. Is that not a real item?

SPEAKER_01 1:46

What in the fuck? It's not a real item. It's not a real item. Absolutely not.

SPEAKER_10 1:54

It's an item from a Korean fusion restaurant in our in my in my hometown of Detroit. In our hometown of Detroit.

SPEAKER_04 2:01

In our hometown of Detroit, the motor city, they really didn't like that at Taco Bell. They they I was being that tone was genuine and they were out.

SPEAKER_10 2:09

That Taco Bell, that yeah, in that in that for where you live, I bet they get calls like that all the fucking time.

SPEAKER_08 2:15

Everyone's calling trying to see if they got the so tuk so talk data.

SPEAKER_04 2:19

I really wasn't trying to be an asshole. I thought it was actually an item that sucks. I'm gonna have to go there and apologize in person now. I'm gonna have to put my little head down on their counter and go, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_00 2:33

I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 2:35

I know what I did. I know what I have to do, and then I gotta put a bar of soap in my mouth and chew it.

SPEAKER_10 2:42

Yeah, pretty much. That or like bend over and spread your ass cheeks and show them your insides.

SPEAKER_04 2:47

If they wanted to see inside of me, I'd say, yes, ma'am. Dirty Girls Podcast.

SPEAKER_10 2:53

You know like those uh kaleidoscopes that we use that I used to have as a kid? Or do you guys ever had kaleidoscopes as a kid?

SPEAKER_04 3:00

Yeah, like the little like it's like a little circle thing that you put your eye in and it would make light reflect refract.

SPEAKER_10 3:05

Yeah, they're they just put like little sprinkles in there or something.

SPEAKER_08 3:10

Yeah. Yeah. Are you taught you talking range sticks or kaleidoscopes?

SPEAKER_10 3:14

No, I'm talking about like those little tubes that like they put the sprinkles in, and then you like look through it in the light and you can see the stuff.

SPEAKER_08 3:21

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 3:22

Yeah. So, anyways, what are we gonna name the podcast? We're on episode four.

SPEAKER_01 3:31

We have no name. Well, we did.

SPEAKER_08 3:33

It just is taken from us. There's so many podcasts out there. Well what we were talking about before you arrived was I I thought, you know, we could do like playing in traffic. Oh, cuz Oh my god. Because we like to finger Max whenever we see us. Because you guys enter me. Wait, what the fuck?

SPEAKER_10 3:55

That's actually a really good, that's actually a really good. That's actually really good. It's a good title.

SPEAKER_08 4:01

Except for it's it's taken by uh two sisters. A very serious podcast where they're dissecting their childhood and growing up in like an extreme cult.

SPEAKER_04 4:12

What? Yeah, so they get that one.

SPEAKER_08 4:14

So like that one I'm looking at playing. Yeah, they can have that one thing. Playing in or playing with playing with I can't recall what I did. In playing in traffic. Okay.

SPEAKER_10 4:29

197 subscribers. I mean, it's it's small here.

SPEAKER_08 4:36

They haven't uploaded them. Oh, I didn't see that. We just gotta ask them. We could be playing in traffic too. That could be the secret.

SPEAKER_10 4:45

Oh, I shouldn't. What the fuck? Firefox detected a potential security threat and did not continue to www.playingandtrafficpod.com. These motherfuckers try to take my credit card information. The title is as good as ours!

SPEAKER_08 4:58

Maybe they did a crypto pump and dump. They did traffic. Oh, they did it. If traffic coin has never been done before, keep that in the fucking back pocket. Keep that, keep that, keep that pump and dumping.

SPEAKER_10 5:10

Um, I'm gonna say this right now. This is absolutely we should do playing and well, no, they have at playing in traffic, so never mind.

unknown 5:17

Fuck.

SPEAKER_04 5:18

Fuck! We can be at playing in traffic pod. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 5:22

That's true.

SPEAKER_04 5:25

We could, I mean, I think we should just send them a like a message and be like, hey, do you guys plan on continuing this podcast? If not, we'd like to use this title for our new podcast. Is that cool?

SPEAKER_10 5:34

Hey, I know that a year ago you guys dissected your decade of life devoted to World Mission Society Church of God, a high-demand Christian church of South Korea. I'm actually I'm subscribing. I just subscribed.

SPEAKER_08 5:51

Wait, I want to hear this shit. I know. I've I fucking I read the description of it. I was like, that sounds so fire. They can have it.

SPEAKER_10 5:58

They have so much more to add to the world than we do. They can have it. I'm not gonna truly. I'm not gonna lie. That was that's a fire ass name, though. Like that's really good. But once again, we strike gold, but the gold rush was ten years ago. You know what I'm saying? Yep.

SPEAKER_08 6:15

Should have bought a house in 2008.

SPEAKER_04 6:16

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 6:17

Dude, they never talk about the difficulty of being a late stage podcaster.

SPEAKER_04 6:21

Yeah. Like we're actually we have a really unique experience. We're existing in a struggle that I don't think a lot of, you know, middle-aged white men have.

SPEAKER_08 6:30

And trying to get a podcast off the ground. Exactly right.

SPEAKER_10 6:36

Oh my god. What if I look up this podcast has no name? I'd better that that's that exists. That's that's definitely a fuck-ass fucking podcast.

SPEAKER_08 6:46

Yeah, and I was I was thinking we could maybe do something more like the whole gimmick of the podcast is that, you know, like we try and figure out what our name is and come up with like a different, like, you know, mini podcast or something. I already did it. Someone already did it.

SPEAKER_10 7:02

Well, no, but these all say we just came out. I gotta go change, I just came in my pants. Yeah. No, I just looked up I'm looking at channels here. The known name podcast. That's not what we're doing. The podcast with no name. That's not what the the podcast could be called This Podcast Has No Name.

SPEAKER_04 7:18

Untitled podcast. That one's definitely taken. That one's dead.

SPEAKER_08 7:22

I swear to God that this podcast has no name is a thing.

SPEAKER_10 7:25

Narcolepsy boy94.

SPEAKER_08 7:28

Now that's a good name. Now look at this guy.

SPEAKER_10 7:30

He's got 15,000 subscribers. Take a look at that. Subscribe, baby.

SPEAKER_08 7:37

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 7:38

This podcast has no name on Apple Music. Apple Podcast. Fuck!

SPEAKER_08 7:43

No name. Oh, he has the no name wrestling podcast.

SPEAKER_04 7:48

WrestleMania podcast.

SPEAKER_10 7:50

Wait, wait. This podcast has no name. Fuck! I know. 36 episodes redefining menopause care.

SPEAKER_04 8:02

What is going on with every name that we want has something serious and important tied to it?

SPEAKER_06 8:09

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_04 8:10

What? We can't be taking these names. They're talking about menopause.

SPEAKER_10 8:15

Can we do Epic Plane Evolution?

SPEAKER_04 8:17

That's gonna happen to me in two years.

SPEAKER_08 8:21

Epic Plane Evolution podcast.

SPEAKER_04 8:25

That's a good name. That's nice. What about I got nothing? I haven't thought of there hasn't been a single title that's come to my head since the last time we recorded it. I completely forgot that we don't have anything to call this thing. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 8:40

Yeah. We could do um uh what if we do like the yard? That'd be good. No, that'd be good. That could be. I don't think that one's taken me. What if we do the basement yard? The basement the basement.

SPEAKER_04 8:59

That's actually that's one. Oh, the basement is taken? Yeah, that's definitely.

SPEAKER_08 9:03

Probably taken.

SPEAKER_10 9:04

We could like totally do the chain Connor up in his basement and whip him a bunch and like make him come in his pants a bunch, but I'm not gonna do that. I think we should think of like a podcast name first. Um, I am into the idea of chaining Connor up, whipping him a bunch. Yeah, like chain him up, yeah, to his like radiator, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 9:29

For centuries. You do have radiator in your basement? Yeah, he does.

SPEAKER_08 9:32

Yeah, and I'm honestly pretty into it too.

SPEAKER_04 9:36

Not so would like this.

SPEAKER_08 9:38

You'd be kind of that. I mean, would you what would you feed me?

SPEAKER_12 9:44

Pud. Pud. Pudding, nuts, gup, gup, some twigs, gup, bibs, some put and gup, some bub.

SPEAKER_10 9:54

Bub, that's what I was looking for. Fuck, I already forgot part of the word. I already forgot my I already forgot the word I was trying to have a comeback with here. A little bit of bub.

SPEAKER_04 10:02

I got a new word, I got a new phrase that I'd love to cue you guys in on. So I've been drinking a lot of soda recently. I've been loving a little sodi pop. A little sodi pop. And one of my friends started calling them fridge siggies. And I really like that. I like good. Gonna go get me a little fridge ciggy? Yeah, no, that's good.

SPEAKER_10 10:24

That is actually I like that a lot. I wish I had fridge siggies right now. I am all my spread zero is gone. I need fridge.

SPEAKER_04 10:31

Yeah, my sun kiss is gone. I need a fridge, I need to go refill on fridge siggies, go get a pack.

SPEAKER_10 10:36

Um dude, speaking of fridge siggies, I fucking hate ants on a log. It's not real, that's not related. That's not tangentially related at all, but like. But what's up with that? It's celery, peanut butter, and raisins. I mean, like you take something good and then you it's like taking something good and then putting two pieces of shit on top and on the bottom of it, and then being like, here, kid, have a snack. You want a celery that tastes like pussy and ass? Okay, well, that's not big. Pussy and ass taste good. It's it's like, hey, you okay, hold on.

SPEAKER_08 11:08

Maybe we're the ants on a log, the anti-Ants on a log podcast.

SPEAKER_10 11:12

But wait, but I like ants on a log. What the fuck? Dude, you fucking everything is a ephemer for ants on a fucking log nowadays. The podcast is over. How many fucking times someone dude? Everyone keeps talking about it. I'm just so confused about it. So many people talk about ants on a fucking log. I was at sports I was at sports clips asked for a haircut, and my haircutter goes, oh yeah, just like ants on a log. I don't get it.

SPEAKER_04 11:41

Oh man, ants on a log is already a podcast. We can't do it.

SPEAKER_10 11:45

You're joking. I'm sorry, guys. I don't get it either. I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 11:50

But I actually really like that yummy treat. You do? Why?

SPEAKER_10 11:54

It's like, dude, what's better than celery uh pretzel? What's better than uh raisin and chocolate chip? Yummy. Now let's do it. Oh, wait, that is way more yummy. Let's do nest celery and disgusting raisins and put a beautiful little slab of peanut butter between.

SPEAKER_04 12:10

My mom was a weird little healthy lady. She didn't let us eat like good snacks or nothing like that. Fair enough. Like we couldn't have cereal over 10 grams of sugar except for raisin bran.

SPEAKER_10 12:20

That's actually a really cool thing. I fucking I actually respect the mom.

SPEAKER_04 12:27

Yeah, now I do. When I was back then, I wanted to fucking put a bomb in her drawer. I want to put a bomb in a raisin bran, dude. Tell me I can't have fucking Captain Grunch, guess what? Blown up. It blown up. Blown up.

SPEAKER_10 12:42

But I was eating my raisin brand and it blew up.

SPEAKER_04 12:46

And then it blew up. So I ate a lot of ants on a log because it was like healthy snack.

SPEAKER_10 12:53

Connor, don't tell me you like ants on a log.

unknown 12:55

Please.

SPEAKER_08 12:56

No, I fucking hate ants on a log. That's some bullshit. Never indulged on such a terrible. I mean, I'm sure once in my life, but not since I've been able to choose the food that goes into my body.

SPEAKER_10 13:09

I bet you guys like cheese whiz. No, I don't like cheese whiz.

SPEAKER_08 13:13

I don't either, but you do.

SPEAKER_10 13:16

Yeah. You know what I don't like the most?

SPEAKER_08 13:18

Cheese whiz fanatic.

SPEAKER_10 13:20

Velveeta cheese. Oh, it's gross, dude, right? Velveeta cheese. I I when I got my wisdom teeth taken out, I had too much Velveeta macaroni and cheese. This is like 2016. I haven't had it since.

SPEAKER_04 13:32

I don't like how it's a big old bag and you fucking squeeze it out of the. Yeah, you goop it on out of there. And I always never set well in me. I always it freaks me out, man. It literally caused you to have a physical reaction. Oh, we could be the goo guys podcast. We could be the Get the Goo Out Podcast.

SPEAKER_11 13:56

Get the goo out. Get the goo out podcast.

SPEAKER_04 14:00

No, that's not good. It's not as good as three logs.

SPEAKER_08 14:04

Dude, three ropes.

SPEAKER_10 14:06

Three logs. That's three ropes. Three logs is solid. Wait, you shot that one down before. You didn't like that one. No, I don't like it, but it's like the best we have so far.

SPEAKER_08 14:19

Something. I'd I'd actually I'd I'm anti-three logs because it's evocative of a certain disgusting snack.

SPEAKER_04 14:30

You mean a yummy, delicious snack?

SPEAKER_08 14:32

The furthest thing from a fantasy, dude. Ansonologue fantasy is what happens in hell.

SPEAKER_04 14:40

Dude, did we talk about fantasies on this show already?

SPEAKER_08 14:44

I don't think we have. I don't know if we have.

SPEAKER_04 14:47

Yeah, we did. We talked about pulled pork fantasy.

SPEAKER_08 14:50

Did we talk a movie though? I don't I don't know. I I've got to be a little bit more. Well let's rehash.

SPEAKER_04 14:54

So one year when Connor and I lived together, we had a party on New Year's Eve, and their shitty friend, not my friend, their shitty friend, had COVID and came over to the party anyway, and then we all got COVID. That sucked.

SPEAKER_10 15:11

That does suck.

SPEAKER_04 15:12

But that day we were all separated in our rooms until we figured out that we all tested positive and then we got together. And we were college students at the time but didn't have a lot of money, and obviously we couldn't work anymore, so we were trying to figure out how we could eat food. And I had an idea. And that was that we did a peanut butter and jelly fantasy. And that just means you make a bunch of peanut butter jellies and you eat them. But I added the word fantasy onto it for whatever reason, and that stuck. So Connor and I did a bunch of things like a sour skittle, sour garcher fantasy, which is just where you eat a bunch of sour skittles until your mouth hurt. Or pulled pork fantasy when we would just get a bunch of pulled pork tubs and make little sliders.

SPEAKER_08 15:52

Or fucking uh we definitely we had meat and cheese fantasy for sure. We did do a meat and cheese fantasy. Oh we did! We were just eating blocks of cheese and big old chunks of sausage.

SPEAKER_04 16:03

Dude, speaking of meat and cheese fantasy, do you guys ever get those like those like big boards from a grocery store that are it's not that's it's like a charcuterie board, but like the poor version where it's just like a couple of uh it's called a meat and cheese tray, it's not a charcuterie board.

SPEAKER_08 16:18

Yeah. Yes. Do you ever get the trade? Before they were gentrified, yeah.

SPEAKER_04 16:21

Exactly. Before they were colonized, yeah. Did you ever get one of those? Do you guys ever get those? Yeah. All the time. Dude, I get those all the time, and I just eat like it's a big it's a big boy lunchable. Max, can we can we talk about your fucking rat dinner the other night? Oh, dude, no, I've been doing 17th century peasant breakfast-dinner all week, man.

SPEAKER_08 16:46

I just I can't I can't believe this. You're just fucking sitting there in the Discord taking bites off of a baguette and So here's how you do it. No, no, no.

SPEAKER_10 16:54

So you go get a loaf of sourdough.

SPEAKER_04 16:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh man, I'm gonna do it right after this podcast. I'm so excited. So you get a loaf of sourdough, you rip out a chunk. You go get a cheese block, you rip out a chunk, mmm. Then you got cheese in one hand and sourdough in the other, and then you just eat them at the same time.

SPEAKER_10 17:12

Yeah, that's like a fucking Victorian's era peasant meal. You're gonna get scurvy best. Yeah, you can get a few. No, I'll eat an orange. Fruit and vegetables. You need more ants on a fucking locked.

SPEAKER_08 17:28

Max goes to the doctor for the first time in seven years and gets a prescription for ants on a log.

SPEAKER_04 17:36

Gotta refill it every month. This is serious. You need your ants on a log. Uh so a couple weeks back, I went to visit my brother, who lives in Indiana, who's recently engaged, and they bought a house. And I knew it was a big house. But I truly didn't understand how big until I got to stand in it. It's fucked up, dude. He's 32 and his kitchen is twice the size of my apartment. Just his kitchen.

SPEAKER_08 18:10

God damn.

SPEAKER_04 18:11

Holy shit. I know. It's f I it's crazy to me. I don't know. I I I I I I it just doesn't make any sense. But the reason I bring it up is because in his guest room or his guest bathroom, they have a guest bathroom, mask house.

SPEAKER_08 18:24

Crazy.

SPEAKER_04 18:25

Yep. Uh you walk in, and if you get close enough to the toilet, it'll jerk the toilet seat. It will jerk. Ah, kind of. I wish. It might do that. I didn't know the button. But it does. It the toilet seat opens up for you and the seat starts to heat itself. What? No way. It literally just says, please make for me. It says making me.

SPEAKER_10 18:48

It does not sound out. It does not. It says it out loud. It says, hello, maker. Make for me.

SPEAKER_04 18:53

Please fill me. Fill me with brown. Exposin' me. Dispos. Please. Brown. I'm so hungry. I'm starving. You haven't made brown for 12 hours. I need it. You'll be at the sink washing your hands.

SPEAKER_10 19:04

You haven't used the bathroom and it'll make like a stomach rumbling, like a star.

SPEAKER_03 19:09

I'm so hungry.

SPEAKER_10 19:11

So hungry. When are you gonna film me?

SPEAKER_08 19:14

When are you gonna be my maker? Could you imagine how sad it would be for that toilet to be in the guest bathroom? Like it goes months without eating. I'm so hungry.

SPEAKER_10 19:24

It is sad. But luckily, well, it's also if I had a guest bathroom, it's begging. That's where that's where I would be. Like I wouldn't use my bathroom to jerk off. I'd use the guest bathroom.

SPEAKER_04 19:33

Do you use the bathroom to jerk off? That's why I'm a belly comer, because I gotta experience the moment fully. You know what I mean? Fill up my little belly button with goo.

SPEAKER_08 19:45

Oh my god, that's just the worst mental image to possibly have. Yeah, this is. I'm also like a really hairy guy. This podcast has a good one. It's a fucking weird Audi belly button.

SPEAKER_11 19:56

Oh, it's not an Audi! No, I haven't any! No, don't let him fucking lie to you. He's a liar.

SPEAKER_04 20:02

They've been trying to do this ruse for years. They've been trying to make hot girls.

SPEAKER_10 20:05

Well, I just remember I was in love with Like he says that he says you're an Audi. I get like initially gross down. Then I remember like you I used to be at your place, and you get you like you would never wear a shirt sometimes. And yeah, you do have a fucking Audi. Alright, think about it. No, dude, it's in. It's it was so gross, I remember now. It's deep even. Ew, my belly button's deep. But it don't smell. Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 20:26

Are you guys are you guys hairy guys?

SPEAKER_08 20:29

Um, yeah, I'm not that hairy. I'm a very hairy guy. I mean, Max, I think we have a relatively uh well, I'm not trying to I I don't want to have negative self-talk. I'm not as hairy as you, but you know, I'm definitely I dabble in hair. I'm a hairy man, but I'm gonna be.

SPEAKER_04 20:51

You might get some more.

SPEAKER_08 20:52

I mean you had you probably had back hair at like age 13.

SPEAKER_04 20:56

No, no, no, no. I don't have any back hair except like Donna. Yeah, I got a little I got a little patch right above my bupkis. Yeah, same. But like my upper back, no hair. No hair, me. Yeah, me neither. Me neither.

SPEAKER_08 21:07

I'm really not that hairy of the you actually have a really hairy upper back.

SPEAKER_04 21:10

No, I don't.

SPEAKER_02 21:11

It's bald as a baby.

SPEAKER_08 21:14

You have the shoulders of a Greek dad.

SPEAKER_10 21:16

That's true. No, you can't even deny that.

SPEAKER_08 21:20

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Like you walk into a fucking sauna at a YMCA, it's like, yep, all these guys have Max's shoulders.

SPEAKER_04 21:30

Dude, I saw a thing on advert from where we live in Detroit. They just opened up the first bathhouse thing, like shared bathhouse. Like an onsen. Mm-hmm. So when you guys come down, we can all get dick out, get in the tub together. No shit.

SPEAKER_10 21:47

They actually did. Yeah. Wait, is it a co it's a cowed? Huh?

SPEAKER_11 21:54

Well, they can't see my penis. I don't wanna go. I don't wanna go either.

SPEAKER_08 21:59

Yeah, no. We gotta go. No! Connor, they're gonna see my peepness! No, it'll it'll be it'll be great. And also, there won't be women there.

SPEAKER_10 22:09

Good.

SPEAKER_08 22:10

It's gonna be like It's gonna be the bros. Yeah, it's gonna be probably we will be by far aside from Max, we will be the youngest people there. Max will be with his same age peers. No. I will also be young in comparison. I mean, I guess you'll be old in comparison. Probably one of the only 95-year-olds to attend the Turkish bathhouse.

SPEAKER_10 22:37

That kind of might be dangerous for how old you are, but it's fine. It might be I might slip and hit my head.

SPEAKER_08 22:43

Might fuck with the pacemaker.

SPEAKER_04 22:48

Connor, as someone who is concussion prone, how do you think you're gonna s exist as an old? In a very limited fashion.

SPEAKER_08 22:59

Not long. Yeah, no, probably sitting down most of the time.

SPEAKER_04 23:04

Um get yourself a cool chair that brings you up the stairs?

SPEAKER_08 23:07

Yeah, I mean I might wear a cool uh kitty cat helmet too.

SPEAKER_04 23:10

Yeah. Dude, I remember when my grandma got one of those, I was stoked.

SPEAKER_08 23:15

Power checked a kitty cat helmet?

SPEAKER_04 23:17

No, no, no, no, no. Yeah, is it maybe it's called the power check? The one that the chair that brings you up the stairs, right? Oh, like a chair lift, yeah, yeah. Yeah, I thought it was gonna be sweet, and then I realized it doesn't move very fast. No, no, no, this is it's not like a ride. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 23:33

It should be faster. Like at least 30 miles per hour.

SPEAKER_04 23:36

The pace that it moves makes it sadder.

unknown 23:40

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 23:40

Yeah, you have a lot of time to think about how much faster you it would be to just walk down the stairs.

SPEAKER_10 23:47

Well, I don't think you realize you're crippled and old and fucking stupid and an idiot.

SPEAKER_04 23:52

Maybe it's more time to think about all the beautiful memories you created in your life.

SPEAKER_10 23:56

Yeah, and then you fall off and fall down the stairs and break everybody.

SPEAKER_08 24:01

Think about your beautiful grandbaby boy. Yeah. Yeah. Sitting there.

SPEAKER_04 24:06

And how and his belly, and his belly covered in cumb. His belly covered in comb.

SPEAKER_08 24:11

He crawls out of the basement, and there he is placing those ants on the log, just like you used to do for him.

SPEAKER_04 24:20

Dude, once I got yelled at, so my aunt took care of my grandma. They moved back in. And because, like we talked about early in the on the first episode of the podcast, they were they were loyalists or whatever. And like kind of maybe from like nobility or something. I'm not really sure. But they had a bunch of shit in my grandma's house that were like uh pieces that could go into a museum. They had a chair that was called Lord Dunham's Bottom or something like that. Or maybe that was a table. I don't fucking know. But the room that they put me and my brother Jack in had this rocking chair, and he has Asperger syndrome, and I'm ADD. Of course we're gonna rock in the fucking rocking chair, right? And my aunt came in guns blazing and yelled at us so hard that my mom said we're going home because we were sitting in Lord Dunham's bottom.

SPEAKER_08 25:13

Dude. You can't be sitting in Lord's Dunham's bottom.

SPEAKER_04 25:19

I mean, bless her heart, right? She doesn't she didn't have kids, so like uh her perspective on things was different, but like you put two nine-year-olds in a fucking room with a rocking chair, they're gonna rock. They gotta stim. I gotta get the goo out! Auntie!

SPEAKER_01 25:35

You gotta understand that out there.

SPEAKER_08 25:37

I wasn't rocking in the chair for fun. I had to get my goo out.

SPEAKER_01 25:42

The only way to get my goo out is sitting in Lord Dunham's bottom.

SPEAKER_08 25:47

Dropping my goo in Lord Dunham's bottom.

SPEAKER_10 25:49

In Lord Dunham's bottom. Um I don't know what that was. I just remember I got kicked out of a bar in Dallas like three days ago. You talking like how? You were just reminiscing about something. It made me remember that I wanted to tell this story. Um my buddy Bobby just moved to Dallas. I just had to move. I just got back into Detroit yesterday. And uh rest in power. We went drinking on Saturday, like it was November 1st, they were doing a bar crawl for Halloween. Me and Bobby were late to the bar crawl. So we just like we just went to the first bar with the bar crawl and got absolutely plastered. And uh, dude, it was the situation where I went to the bar the other I went to the bar with Connor in town one time, and they I kept asking for these wine bottles. I kept calling them. The shooters, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it's the same thing. They had like these special mixed drinks, like a Halloween shot or a pumpkin shot or like a goo shot. They literally had like a green goo shot. It tastes horrible. Oh and but they they were all like full glasses of drinks, and I was slamming them, and I was like, Bobby, you gotta slam, it's a shot. And he kept going, these are full of fucking drinks, they gave you a straw. And I was taking these drinks and slamming them full. Um, I didn't do anything to anybody. I walked out, I walked back in. I'm horribly drunk. I go to the fucking uh bartender to ask for a water, and I a bouncer walks up behind me, he's like, hey man, not a big deal, but you gotta get the fuck out of here. You're way too drunk. You gotta go. I was like, okay. And he got fucking, I walked out. And then one of the bartenders walked out and sparks up a joint, and he's like, Yeah, man, you know. You smell I was I was I was drunk. I was like, Did I do something? Did I piss somebody off? He's like, No, you didn't do anything, you know. You're just like we're you're getting like way too drunk. We can't be responsible for that. And then he let and then he gave me the rest of his joint and went back inside. Um And then I I think I gave Bobby alcohol poisoning too. Because he was out for the count the entirety of the next day. Oof. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 28:04

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 28:05

Well and wait, it sounds like those guys were just over-serving you. Yeah, no, probably, but like after they realized the mistake that they must have found out it was from Wisconsin. That's what I'm saying. Like, oh sh- I mean Detroit! Detroit, Detroit, Michigan!

SPEAKER_08 28:18

Detroit, Detroit, Michigan!

SPEAKER_10 28:20

The joke doesn't fucking l the joke doesn't land if I don't admit that. Like Well, you can be from Wisconsin. We just moved to Detroit later in life. Because we did, right. Yeah, I'm from Wisconsin. Whatever. They fucking they can't hang, dude. I've been that shit face at a bar before, and they would continue to serve they kept giving me wine shooters.

SPEAKER_08 28:39

Yeah. No, it's true.

SPEAKER_04 28:42

Yeah, allegedly there's like a bunch of states that do like a bunch of bars have like drinking contests or whatever, but people from Wisconsin just aren't allowed to participate.

SPEAKER_08 28:53

Yeah. That trash.

SPEAKER_04 28:55

Because we smoked them youths. Budman!

SPEAKER_08 28:59

Real real nasty gal.

SPEAKER_04 29:01

Real nasty gal podcast. That's what we should be. The real nasty gal podcast.

SPEAKER_10 29:07

Um Pussy Turn Red Podcast. Connor also is t is is real is roped into the story, though, because after I got kicked out, and we went to another bar, I walked into the women's bathroom, I do it all the fucking time. Every time I get shit faced, I walk into the wrong bathroom. I've done this the second time I've done it now.

SPEAKER_03 29:24

I thought that was going somewhere completely different.

SPEAKER_10 29:27

And but like every time I walk into the women's bathroom, I I the moment I walk in, I see a girl, I'm like, oh fuck. And they're like, yeah, you're in the wrong bathroom, dude, dude. And I just turn around and walk out. I walk up to Bobby, I'm like, we gotta go. He's fucked in the women's bathroom. We left. Bobby's so we I don't remember how we got back to his apartment. Like, that's that's actually genuinely where I have a massive gap in memory. I come back to, and I'm supporting his full weight walking down the sidewalk right outside of his apartment complex, and I'm like, I just keep going, I'm alright, Bobby. I'm gonna get you back, Bobby. You're gonna be okay, Bobby. And he's just literally like incoherently mumbling, like he's limp. I lose my footing because I'm shitfaced. We both fall down onto the sidewalk and we're just laying there laughing. Oh my god. I I I'm a big boy. Bobby's 140 pounds stopping wet. I literally pick him up and I fucking get him into his apartment. We get in there. He lost his phone and his wallet. So I go back downstairs and I walk outside and I'm like rambling to somebody. I was on the phone. I don't know, it wasn't Connor yet. These two fucking this this dude leans over his balcony and he goes, Dude, is this your phone and wallet? And I look up and I'm like, oh my god, you're a lifesaver. Hold on, look, I trust me. Trust me. Let me text the phone.

SPEAKER_08 30:56

Connor, you wanna you wanna he texted he texted me? He said, if you were the people upstairs, I'm dead ass. And I I get this no context at fucking 12 09 a.m. And uh so I just replied, I texted him the exact same thing back. It wasn't even a late night. It wasn't that weird holy shit. No, like and and so then Vinny calls me back, and he's absolutely fucking plastered. And Bobby's just projectile vomiting behind them. Yeah. And and I wasn't there, there was no video, I had no idea the severity of the situation, but Vinny was just describing to me that Bobby was covered in puke. And I was like, that man's that man's gotta get clean, he's gotta get in the shower. And Vinny immediately was like, Alright, Bobby, get in the shower. Fucking like split him up, and I just I just heard nothing for for a couple of like about a minute. And then I just I could just hear Vinny laughing. And he was like, I gotta go. Did you watch it? Um no, Bobby, Bobby fell and tried to hold himself up using the shower curtain and just fucking busted his brand new shower curtain. Tore that shit up.

SPEAKER_10 32:17

Shit apart. After that, I let him sit in front of the toilet for a while. And then I don't remember how I don't remember what happened after that, but I woke up at 6 a.m. I left him on alone on the toilet for like I don't I don't even know how long I did. I don't remember inflating the air mattress. I don't remember falling asleep. I just remember the last thing I slapped Bobby in the back. I was like, you're gonna be okay, Bobby. And then I woke up at 6 in the morning. It's gonna be alright, buddy. He spent the whole fucking day in bed after. I mean, he's I mean, it's like it's like 50%. I might have given alcohol poisoning because anytime he ate or drank, he immediately had to throw up and he laid in bed all day, or he's a big pussy. So I don't know what to tell you.

SPEAKER_04 32:54

Nah, he was dude, he was covered in puke, he couldn't walk. You had to get him in the shower.

SPEAKER_10 33:00

That boy poison, man. Uh-huh. Well, you know, he's fine. Now he's fine. Yeah, he made it out. I went out, I went out about I went out and about with uh with his aunt and his mom without him. I went downtown Dallas with them. We went to the fucking Dallas Museum of Art every first Sunday of the month, it's free. So we went in and just went and looked around. We walked out of there after being in there for like over an hour. We walked out to a park where there was a live jazz band and like 15 food trucks, and there's like hundreds of people just having a good time. Like, I was like, holy shit, I should move to Dallas. Dallas sounds right. Yeah, it's like a better Houston, from what I've heard. It's like a better Houston.

SPEAKER_08 33:39

It's like a it's like a way better Austin.

SPEAKER_10 33:42

It's like a better ditch.

SPEAKER_04 33:43

Wait, we should just go to Austin, dude, and be with uh the cool motorship dude. Yeah, and the dude we can go to Kill Tony, dude. Oh, dude. Oh, wouldn't that be so cool?

SPEAKER_10 33:57

Oh Tony's a great idea. That's a great idea for a fucking podcast name, Kill Tony.

SPEAKER_01 34:04

Oh, dude! Oh my god! This guy gets it!

SPEAKER_10 34:11

My dasher's lost. I fucking hate this city.

SPEAKER_08 34:16

Let's try to talk about it. It's insane how often that happens to you.

SPEAKER_10 34:21

To me? Like my dasher is a fucking idiot.

SPEAKER_08 34:23

Yeah, it's just like I I don't know. It's a very simple place to find. You literally go straight to it. You literally just go straight.

SPEAKER_04 34:31

Dude, I actually have I have a similar problem where like literally so I did the thing where like they just leave it at the door, they take a picture because it I'm generally getting the goo out, or what have you. Yeah and so often, like probably one in three times, I get a picture and it's just not my doorstep. It is a different house across the street, and I don't know how.

SPEAKER_10 34:52

You know how like cum smells.

SPEAKER_08 34:55

Yeah. I mean, you ever just like first time you check into like a very low rent hotel, you just go right to the shower drain and give it a smell?

SPEAKER_10 35:04

Yeah, and jerk off.

SPEAKER_08 35:05

I've never done that. What? Wait, hold on, what? Oh, I I do it every time.

SPEAKER_10 35:09

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 35:09

Okay, why you give the shower drain a smell?

SPEAKER_08 35:11

Oh, it's the safety thing. Oh, see if there's enough goo in there? Or you can do it. Yeah, it always it always makes my it always makes my head a little fuzzy.

SPEAKER_10 35:19

Oh no. That's drain cleaner.

SPEAKER_08 35:21

I mean I I open the door and I just fucking float there like a cartoon mouse. Like that? Um yeah, no, that's I mean that's not my that's not my floating song, but that's not my floating song, yeah. Um it's uh It's Again by Fetty Wat.

SPEAKER_01 35:48

I want you to be mad again, baby! I know my life's not me driving you, great.

SPEAKER_04 35:58

Alright. Are you guys familiar with the game Guilty as Sock? Yes.

SPEAKER_08 36:04

Yeah, I own it.

SPEAKER_04 36:06

I did a thing in that game where my case was I tried Fetty Wop for trying to steal my be and I used that song as evidence. It was pretty good.

SPEAKER_10 36:17

I want you to be mine again, baby. What is what exactly did you mean by that, Mr. Fetty? Mr. Wop. Mr. Wop?

SPEAKER_08 36:26

Mr. Wop.

SPEAKER_10 36:27

Mr. Wop, when you said I want you to be mine again, baby, who are you exactly referring to?

SPEAKER_11 36:32

Wait, can we say that?

SPEAKER_08 36:35

Uh no, I don't think we can, actually.

SPEAKER_11 36:36

I don't think so either, yeah.

SPEAKER_08 36:38

What? We have uh we've accidentally wandered our way into Slur Valley.

SPEAKER_10 36:44

What? That's a slur?

SPEAKER_08 36:46

Uh-huh. Yep, uh, I believe against Italians.

SPEAKER_04 36:48

It's correct.

SPEAKER_10 36:49

No, no, we were saying W-A-P, not W-O-P.

SPEAKER_04 36:54

Yeah, I mean, that's also Wet Ass Pussy, right? That's the name of that song. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 36:57

Yeah, we that's not and also like never mind.

SPEAKER_04 37:02

Do you guys know what the what the radio edit of Wet Ass Pussy is?

SPEAKER_10 37:06

Yeah, it goes, Get a bucket and a mop for this.

SPEAKER_04 37:11

No, no, no. It's get a bucket and a mop for this wet and gushy.

SPEAKER_08 37:17

Oh, that's a good thing.

SPEAKER_04 37:18

Which is so much worse, right?

SPEAKER_08 37:20

Well, I mean it's I I wouldn't say worse, but it is like just as bad, absolutely. It's very visceral. Yeah. It's grossy.

SPEAKER_04 37:30

It's grosser. Or m awesome.

SPEAKER_10 37:33

Sorry, I was getting my so my taco bell. Sorry, I was getting my taco bell.

SPEAKER_04 37:37

Oh, you getting a fridge, Dicky?

SPEAKER_10 37:39

Sorry, I was getting my taco bell. My so tuck so tuck just got here.

SPEAKER_03 37:43

Dude! Oh man, I forgot that I already had done that to someone today. I already called one ask for so tuk so tuck today, and they did not like it.

SPEAKER_10 37:55

You should call again today.

SPEAKER_08 37:56

I can't I can't believe they just hung up on you no response, but I guess.

SPEAKER_10 37:59

They probably thought you were trying to goof them. They did.

SPEAKER_08 38:04

Clearly. Yeah. What's beautiful is that you genuinely weren't, and you were just fed bad information.

SPEAKER_04 38:11

It was a g I did a good customer service voice, I think. I sounded black.

SPEAKER_08 38:17

So tuck so tuck. Did did you say ma'am or sir?

SPEAKER_04 38:21

I did not. That's where I went wrong. They would have known it was a serious question if I would have added the ma'am or the sir. Or pookie.

SPEAKER_08 38:29

No, that wouldn't that wouldn't do it. When I bought my flaming hot grilled cheese burrito, the lady that handed it to me called me hun.

SPEAKER_10 38:37

Oh.

SPEAKER_08 38:37

Oh yeah? Oh. I just, you know. I just want to I want to graduate I want to graduate from hun to sir. You know?

SPEAKER_12 38:45

What about doll?

SPEAKER_08 38:48

I could accept doll in like a southern drawl. What if I just started calling you my dame? My damey?

SPEAKER_04 38:56

My damey? Sadate. Sadate. Yeah. You ever seen Pooty Tang, Vinny?

SPEAKER_10 39:02

No.

SPEAKER_04 39:02

What was that?

SPEAKER_12 39:03

Oh my god. It's a generational movie. It's free.

SPEAKER_04 39:06

Written and directed by Louis C.K.

SPEAKER_12 39:09

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 39:10

Before the goo stuff. Yeah. Yeah. Can I spread my goo here?

SPEAKER_04 39:18

Hey, is it okay if I go in front of you?

SPEAKER_08 39:22

No? I'm I'm gonna do it anyway.

SPEAKER_04 39:24

Yeah, we're doing it. We're gooing.

SPEAKER_10 39:26

Wait, what the fuck? There is a character in that movie goo allegations. Did did Louis C.K. do something bad?

SPEAKER_12 39:31

Oh, dude.

SPEAKER_10 39:34

Yeah, yeah. Oh my god.

SPEAKER_08 39:39

He's like the most embarrassing of the Me2s ever because he uh we jerked off in front of people. And like the the way that he'd do it is he would like be in a hotel room with someone, he'd be like, hey, uh can I can I jerk off in front of you? And they'd be like, no, gross. And he'd be like, I'm st I'm just gonna do it. Don't look. Or look if you want. And then he'd just do it.

SPEAKER_04 40:06

What the fuck? I bet he's a belly comer.

SPEAKER_08 40:09

Yeah. No, I mean that that belly was full. No doubt, dude.

SPEAKER_10 40:13

But he had like a crazy Well, actually, I don't know any of these movies.

SPEAKER_04 40:21

Ha! Which is it's really funny too, because I don't know if you guys have seen that. I sorry, it's not funny. That sucks. I would hate if someone did that to me. But there's a there's a famous clip of him on like a news show where someone's talking about masturbating, and he's like, it's awesome. I'm gonna do it to you later, and you can't stop me. Like he says to the reporter woman, he's like, I'm gonna jerk off thinking about you, you can't stop me. And then he jerked off in front of people and said they couldn't stop him.

SPEAKER_08 40:49

Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_04 40:50

Oh yeah.

SPEAKER_05 40:53

Right.

SPEAKER_04 40:54

That's kinda icky. That's fucking gross as well. Ugh. Uh hey, Connor, don't ever do that to me, okay?

SPEAKER_10 41:02

Hey Connor, please, whatever you do, dude, do not invite me into your hotel room and ask if you can drink off on me. And when I tell you no, please, please don't pull your penis out and start jerking off. Please don't do that. Please! Please don't do that.

SPEAKER_04 41:14

Please don't want to see it at all. Please don't take me to that little side room that you have that I could live in and just say, hey, I'm gonna jerk off in here, and you gotta watch, and stand up and then dump it into a garbage can and then hide it, and then hide it, cover it with sand. Well, I'm calling it. Please don't do that.

SPEAKER_10 41:29

So tuck's bossing.

SPEAKER_08 41:30

I I really just can't make any promises.

SPEAKER_04 41:32

What do you guys think would happen if you dumped into a litter box?

SPEAKER_08 41:37

The litter box jail instantly.

SPEAKER_04 41:39

Would it coagulate?

SPEAKER_10 41:41

You'd make a homunculus.

SPEAKER_04 41:44

Aww. That's not good. Have you seen Pull Metal Alchemist Brotherhood? Yeah, they're bad. They're bad. They're bad babies. I used to want to get a tattoo of the Ouroboros symbol on my left hand because I thought Greed was cool.

SPEAKER_08 42:03

Yeah. Yeah. Big big greed fan. You like greed?

SPEAKER_01 42:09

Money me, me, money. Big greed fan. Yeah, me too.

SPEAKER_10 42:13

Money me, money me, money me, money me, money me. Um What the fuck were we just talking about? Oh, a greed fan. I had to go clean some cumulon off my legs. Oh no, I was thinking about that guy who's I was thinking about that guy who injects his semen into eggs and like makes the makes the oculus. Yeah, and he kills it with a bible.

SPEAKER_04 42:31

Sorry, what?

unknown 42:31

Uh-huh.

SPEAKER_08 42:33

Oh, dude. Max, you're old. You're old. You're not beating the allegations, dude. You don't know about the Russian guy who injected his cumb in an egg and made a living creature?

SPEAKER_10 42:42

No. And then it spit acid at him, so he killed it with a bible?

SPEAKER_08 42:46

Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 42:47

The acid spitting part isn't real, right? It's on footage.

SPEAKER_08 42:50

Um Yeah, it's all on footage. It's all so real.

SPEAKER_04 42:55

What? Okay, I gotta watch that later. I'm assuming. Okay, um, I gotta watch that later. Um, I gotta make it myself a homunculus and name it Fred Durst.

SPEAKER_08 43:08

Right here. Ooh. It's just one of those days.

SPEAKER_04 43:11

It's just one of those days you gotta make you gotta make a human. You gotta make a thing. I guess wasn't he just doing what we all do? Getting the goo out, putting it somewhere. Yeah.

SPEAKER_10 43:25

Making a little rapper, baby.

SPEAKER_08 43:26

Yeah, he's just doing doing whatever. Just doing what we all do. Just fucking dropping loads into a goddamn syringe and then injecting it.

SPEAKER_04 43:38

Oh, that's terrifying. That scares me. I don't like that. You shouldn't be able to make little buggies. You shouldn't be able to make little bug people.

SPEAKER_10 43:52

Yeah, well, they did.

SPEAKER_04 43:54

Oh, jail this guy. Get him off the streets. You can't be doing that.

SPEAKER_08 44:01

He's a pretty g he's a pretty good guy.

SPEAKER_04 44:04

Pretty good guy.

unknown 44:06

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 44:06

Wait, did you get did you get a hot Cheeto Grid cheese burrito?

SPEAKER_10 44:10

Yeah. How is it? No, I no, I got a Sotok Sotock.

SPEAKER_04 44:18

No? What'd you really get? They don't have those there. I called!

SPEAKER_01 44:22

The Sotok Sotok, dude, I got it.

SPEAKER_08 44:25

Oh, got the Sotok Sotock.

SPEAKER_01 44:28

I wish I had a Sprite Zero!

SPEAKER_08 44:31

Yeah, you need a fresh D for that Sotok.

SPEAKER_01 44:33

Singy!

SPEAKER_08 44:40

Oh, I've actually seen a Sotok Sotuk.

SPEAKER_04 44:43

Oh sorry, what was that?

SPEAKER_08 44:44

What would be the cigarette equivalent of a Sprite Zero?

SPEAKER_04 44:47

Oh, that's uh that's a marb smooth.

SPEAKER_08 44:53

Think so?

SPEAKER_04 44:54

Yeah. And then yeah, you know, I'd like to open up this question. I think you guys are gonna have a good answer. What do you guys think the Newport 100 menthol is as a soda? Bah blash.

SPEAKER_01 45:11

Baha blush.

SPEAKER_04 45:13

That's what I used to smoke. I used to smoke Newport 100's menthols. And I smelled like shit all the time.

SPEAKER_08 45:22

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 45:24

They are a stinky fucking cigarette, dude.

SPEAKER_08 45:27

They look absolutely like the cigarette you would have smoked. They match your shoes, man. The one pair of shoes you've ever owned.

SPEAKER_04 45:35

I still only wear own two pair of shoes. Wait, no. Yeah, two pairs. No, three pair of shoes. I don't have any casual doing stuff guy shoes.

SPEAKER_08 45:47

Just your nauticas?

SPEAKER_04 45:50

I have shoes that are very much like that. But those aren't casual doing stuff guy shoes. You're not like working in those. You're not like fixing your sink or whatever. Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 46:06

You can't be caught doing that. In your nauticas.

SPEAKER_04 46:10

Not in the naughties. You get naughty in the naughties. Holy shit, wait, that's a great line for Nautica. They should do a getting naughty line. Oh yeah. This is good.

SPEAKER_08 46:24

Get naughty in the naughty.

SPEAKER_04 46:26

Get naughty in your Nautica on the boat. With your boys.

SPEAKER_08 46:32

Get Louis C.K. for the ad.

SPEAKER_10 46:36

Now who I know now I know that is, that's fucked up, dude. Now who I know that is, that's fucked up, dude.

SPEAKER_04 46:41

You might not want to wear a Nautica, but you're gonna wear it anyway. Did you guys know that Lil Boat had to deal with them for a while?

SPEAKER_10 46:59

Lil bo who? Lil Boat?

SPEAKER_04 47:01

Lil Yachty, Lil Boat. That's what they call Lil Yachty. That's what he calls himself.

SPEAKER_08 47:08

Yeah.

SPEAKER_04 47:13

I saw him. He opened up for uh Tire Creator. Chromacopia Tour.

SPEAKER_08 47:22

Chromacopia Tour.

SPEAKER_04 47:23

Chromacopia Tour. And he got exhausted quick. But then he played, I took the walk to Poland and we all went.

unknown 47:33

YAAAH!

SPEAKER_06 47:43

YAAAH!

SPEAKER_08 47:44

It was very exciting. Yeah, dude.

SPEAKER_00 47:48

I took the walk to Poland. Poland. Poland. Poland.

SPEAKER_04 47:58

Dude, I want to order these Swedish candies again, but they take a month and a half to get to my house and that bums me out.

SPEAKER_08 48:05

Yeah, which which ones, man.

SPEAKER_04 48:07

Oh, the Smark Super Sours?

SPEAKER_10 48:10

Damn, those sound like that sounds like something you put in your fucking computer.

SPEAKER_04 48:16

It does. Well, I guess they're called the S Mark Super Sert because it's in Powerland.

SPEAKER_12 48:25

Super.

SPEAKER_08 48:26

I haven't had those, but there's been these other people. Oh, you talking about bubs?

SPEAKER_12 48:33

I might be talking about Bubs, man. You be talking about bubs, man. I know it. People are about the bubs. Bub? You want a little bub?

SPEAKER_10 48:40

Wait, is this like a real thing?

SPEAKER_12 48:41

Um Yeah, bubs. Yeah, yeah, the bubs, the scala. Yeah, bub.

SPEAKER_10 48:47

So we're not talking about we're not talking about like a beverage of sorts. We're talking about like a fridge signal.

SPEAKER_08 48:52

No.

SPEAKER_10 48:52

Oh.

SPEAKER_08 48:53

No, bubs. Bub has already come back and it's a Swedish Sour Patch Kid equivalent.

SPEAKER_04 49:00

Oh. Oh, really? I thought they looked like fluffier than that. You know what I mean?

SPEAKER_08 49:04

Um there are other bubs. Uh the bubs that I like are the uh the the skulls, man. Little skull and crossbone.

SPEAKER_04 49:16

Oh yeah, little skull crossbone. But dude, these supermarket, these S mark super certs, they're like kind of hard. Like they're not hard. It's still gummy, but it's like a very firm gummy, so it's like it takes a little bit of work. And I like that shit, man.

SPEAKER_08 49:32

The bubs are the bubs are kind of like that. I mean, how are you getting these? That you're ordering them online? TikTok. On the TikTok shop? TikTok shop. Are you getting like mass quantities?

SPEAKER_04 49:45

Last time I got a pound.

SPEAKER_08 49:47

Shit.

SPEAKER_04 49:49

You got a pound of bubs? I got a pound of bubs. I ate it in a sitting.

SPEAKER_08 49:55

You can't you just can't get bulk candy like that, man. It never works out.

SPEAKER_02 50:00

You gotta take them off sometimes, man. You was at the end.

SPEAKER_04 50:04

Did you guys watch it's always sunny? Yes. There's a great part where there's a guy who's like, those are some really nice jeans. You gotta you gotta take them off sometimes, oh man. So my friend Elliot, he's always I I love to wear my true religion jeans on stream, and then he's always like, you gotta change them sometimes, man.

SPEAKER_02 50:28

I had a pair like that, man. You gotta take them off sometimes.

SPEAKER_04 50:35

Oh man, you gotta get some bulk candy, man.

SPEAKER_10 50:40

Yeah. How fast do you guys think you can eat 10 hot dogs? Uh I probably couldn't, to be honest. I probably could eat.

SPEAKER_08 50:46

Water or no water.

SPEAKER_10 50:48

Oh no, he's going for the water, water.

SPEAKER_04 50:50

Yeah, water for sure.

SPEAKER_08 50:52

Water? Dude.

SPEAKER_10 50:53

Uh I would probably say with buns? With buns?

SPEAKER_04 50:57

With buns.

SPEAKER_08 50:58

With with buns and with water. I'd say it would probably be I I could do a minute per dog.

SPEAKER_04 51:06

Oh yeah, easy, dude.

SPEAKER_08 51:08

I you know, fuck it, dude. I could probably do I think I think within six minutes I could have ten dogs housed.

SPEAKER_04 51:17

No way. I'm thinking so it's so I think that I could do 30-second dogs for the first five. And then I'm probably slowing down to about a 45 second pace.

SPEAKER_08 51:28

Um if I did like a if I didn't eat anything all day and this is like, you know, 7 p.m.

SPEAKER_07 51:34

Yeah.

SPEAKER_08 51:35

Um yeah, I think I think six minutes, ten dogs, no problem. And if I I mean if we're talking like not like a ballpark beef, like we're just talking a standard hot dog size.

SPEAKER_10 51:45

Dude, a standard asker fishing hot dog. Okay. Yeah. No, I I think if I like spent the entire day yesterday drinking water and eating grapes all day and just like kind of expand my stomach out for the next day. And then like don't eat anything. Or like and then like right away when I get up when I'm super duper hungry, I'll stop eating at 8 p.m. I'll get up at whenever. Super hungry the morning breakfast. Sit down. Ten hot dogs. Oh my god. I probably could do it. Let me think. Hold on, I'm gonna pretend to eat a hot dog right now. Yeah, I think I could probably do like uh I could probably do like uh yeah, I would say ten hot dogs in five minutes, yeah. Just because I want to be better than Connor.

SPEAKER_04 52:29

Fuck, dude. I want to eat a hot dog right now, but I don't have a microwave.

SPEAKER_08 52:32

Dude, I could fucking go get some uh pigs in a blanket.

SPEAKER_04 52:37

Okay, what's better? Pigs in a blanket or ants on a log?

SPEAKER_08 52:40

Brother, dude, what's the floor? What's better, a meal of shit and piss or fucking a fine cheeseburger? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_04 52:49

Like a fine cheeseburger. Well, hold on.

SPEAKER_08 52:51

I don't know what I'm saying between those two.

SPEAKER_04 52:54

Wait, where'd the shit come from? Who who made the shit?

SPEAKER_08 52:57

Um Amy Winehouse.

SPEAKER_00 53:02

I'm gonna shit my pants in or something and eat my shit.

SPEAKER_08 53:08

Yeah, no, I think that. Yeah. Is that Amy Winehouse? Amy Winehouse made the shit and uh Jimi Hendrix made the piss.

SPEAKER_04 53:15

Oh now that's now that's a five-star Michelin meal.

SPEAKER_08 53:19

Uh-huh. And it's it's ice cold.

SPEAKER_04 53:22

Well, actually, because she drank so much, it would be a shrimp basket, though.

SPEAKER_10 53:26

I'm gonna throw up. I did not.

SPEAKER_08 53:41

No. I actually don't know. I don't know how many stars there are. I just know it's like a really big deal to get one star. It's like like it's not easy, you know?

SPEAKER_04 53:53

Is it Michelin like the the the mushroom man? No.

SPEAKER_10 53:58

Oh, it only goes up to it only goes up to three stars.

SPEAKER_08 54:01

Oh, wow. Well, I have five.

SPEAKER_11 54:04

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 54:05

Yeah, well, my Amy Weinhouse Dimmy Hendrick special has five. Uh it's because we serve shit and piss cold. Uh-huh. And how many places in Detroit serving shit and piss cold? Think about it. With cocktail sauce on the side. With cocktail sauce, you know what I'm saying, dude? You know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_02 54:21

With cocktail sauce, you know what I'm saying? You know what I'm saying? Hey, you know what I'm saying?

SPEAKER_10 54:24

Cock and tail, cock and tail.

SPEAKER_04 54:27

You know what I'm saying? Where are we at? Where are we at time wise? Uh we're in a house. Uh I mean we're in a we're at an hour.

SPEAKER_10 54:35

It's uh time we wrap it up. Goodbye.

SPEAKER_00 54:41

Thanks for listening.

SPEAKER_05 54:43

Wow.

SPEAKER_00 54:44

And he's back.

SPEAKER_10 54:45

Nah, I'm joking, I'm joking.

SPEAKER_04 54:47

I'm joking, I'm joking. Uh wait, are we ending? Yeah. Come on. Thanks for listening to the podcast. We still don't have a name. Uh Dirty Girls Podcast. Uh get the goo out get the goo out of me fast podcast. Thoughts? Oh, wait, are you guys doing a thing?

SPEAKER_10 55:18

Uh no, dude. No, we're not.

SPEAKER_04 55:20

Okay.

SPEAKER_10 55:21

Okay. Hey, alright. Okay. We're not.

SPEAKER_04 55:26

Okay. We're not. It can end.

SPEAKER_05 55:28

Hold on.

SPEAKER_04 55:29

Okay. Hold on. Okay. Alright, let me tell a story. So I lost my pinky ring. My lucky pinky ring that I think is a Cartier knockoff on my floor the other about two weeks ago via stream.

SPEAKER_10 55:44

Okay.

SPEAKER_04 55:45

And I think it was what was losing me games in league. And last night I wanted to get on a little bit of VR chat. Okay. Run some bits. Alright. And I cleaned my floor. And I found my ring, baby.

SPEAKER_08 56:00

And I'm stoked. Wow. That's huge. You need to start dropping things more often. Because they're not clean? Yeah, then you might have a clean floor.

SPEAKER_04 56:10

Yeah, just do more VR. I'm never dropping this ring again. And all of my garbage is going right next to me.

SPEAKER_10 56:19

Anyways, ladies and gentlemen, hello, my name is uh thank you for being here at this press conference. I have Max Traffic here today. I'm bringing Max up. Max, get the fuck over here and take that shit. Okay, I'm back. I'm back. Hello. How could you be wearing that right now? Why are you wearing that right now? What am I wearing? Why are you wearing that right now? Take it off. Pick that fucking shit off. It's off. I took it off. I took it off. Yeah, take that shit. You make me fucking shit. So we guys just throw a soda can at you.

SPEAKER_04 56:50

Whoa! That's a good frick, Siggy.

SPEAKER_10 56:53

Fuck you. And he walks up.

SPEAKER_04 56:56

That guy can someone Why Jimi Hendrix on stage?

SPEAKER_11 56:59

Who the fuck are you? Shouldn't he be arrested?

SPEAKER_04 57:02

Am I under uh wait, is this a press conference?

SPEAKER_10 57:05

Anyway, so yeah, welcome to the press conference. We got Max Travi. He's gonna take the stand. Another week, another crime. Uh we'll start with uh uh we'll start with uh no one nobody wants to go. Nobody got any questions?

SPEAKER_12 57:19

Any questions about me? I'm here to answer questions.

SPEAKER_10 57:23

The midget, the midget, the midget, you go, you the mid yeah, that guy. No, you don't get to choose. Oh wait, yeah, you do. Sorry, I'll step away from the podium. Okay. Yeah, uh, he's gonna back up and then he's gonna back up, he's gonna get on a platform, it's gonna slowly lower into the stage. Whoa, this is a really fucking sick press conference, dude.

SPEAKER_04 57:42

Holy shit.

SPEAKER_10 57:47

He's gonna come back out and say, dude, take this serious, you're a fucking horrible criminal. Please take this serious and sorry.

SPEAKER_04 57:54

Um anybody have any questions? This is me, Max Traffic reporting for duty.

SPEAKER_08 57:58

I have a question for you, Mr. Traffic.

SPEAKER_04 58:00

Yes, uh, and your name, sir?

SPEAKER_08 58:01

Uh Tiny Zuckerberg.

SPEAKER_04 58:05

Uh Mr. Zuckerberg. Mr. Tiny, Mr. Tiny, how can I help you?

SPEAKER_08 58:10

I'm I'm here, I'm here representing Meta Jr. Oh. And, you know, I just have a question about, you know, as as I can see from your headset earlier. Big fan of our product. Uh not hard to say honored, but um, you know, as as meta junior, we're really focused on inclusivity on our platforms. And I'm just wondering what led you to do the the heinous, heinous act that you did.

SPEAKER_04 58:43

Um, I don't use Meta Jr. My headset is meta senior. It is the ones for the adults, the adult ones. Um Can I can I take a peek at it?

SPEAKER_02 59:00

Yeah, here you go.

SPEAKER_08 59:04

Um I'm seeing that you've scratched uh extra curve on the J here. Uh and that this is ac this is actually a modified meta junior headset. They're lower costs, so I can understand you want to get a deal. I did buy it.

SPEAKER_10 59:19

Hold on, hold on. Sorry, I'm also I'm I'm I'm Mr. I'm Mr. I'm Minnie Zuckerberg's uh security guard. Let me see that, Mr. Zuckerberg.

SPEAKER_08 59:28

There you go.

SPEAKER_10 59:29

Oh my god, he really did actually turn the J into an S. This is a junior.

SPEAKER_04 59:33

Well, this is uh gentlemen of the press conference! Okay! Okay, that may be a junior. Here's what here's what happened. I bought it off of Facebook Marketplace.

SPEAKER_10 59:46

Oh no. Well, that's not associated or affiliated with my my Mr. Zuckerberger because he he operates Facebook Jr. And the only place you can buy a fucking meta junior, MetaQuest Jr. is off of Facebook Jr. Say what you what you what do you have to say about Ted? I bought it. You know, only children can use the junior, right?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:08

It's Ted Sr. on it. I didn't do that.

SPEAKER_10 1:00:12

It literally says, I see you scratch this J into I'm sorry, Mr. Take it from here. I'm gonna go. I'm I'm I'm I'm I'm about to hit something right now. I'm so mad. I'm gonna hit I'm gonna I'm I'm about to hit something right now. I'm so mad. He's gonna storm out, he's gonna punch through the fucking drywall right before he gets up the door. He goes, Oh slams the door open.

SPEAKER_03 1:00:32

I got it strong.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:32

I get why you have him security. Jesus.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:34

He's gotta keep me safe. I'm tiny.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:38

Um so I bought it. It looked like it said senior on it. I thought I was using the proper product.

SPEAKER_08 1:00:49

That's a lie. I have no further questions, that's a lie.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:51

Call me, call on me.

unknown 1:00:53

Call on me.

SPEAKER_04 1:00:54

The the person who sounds sickly, yes.

SPEAKER_09 1:00:56

Call on me, please. Me, are you calling on me?

SPEAKER_04 1:00:59

Yeah, you, you, you, you, you.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:01

I'm little boy Jimmy with little boy news. I was actually I was actually in that chat room the night you did your crime. I saw it all. Room full of children. I want to know what was going through your mind when you thought it was okay to do that heinous crime in front of all those children.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:21

That can't be correct. I've only been in rooms that are age verified.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:26

Verified for the ages of one to twelve because you're on a no, I was on I was on a metacenior.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:35

Tiny Zuckerberg, can I can I see that headset?

SPEAKER_08 1:01:39

Uh yep, yep, you got it.

SPEAKER_04 1:01:40

Don't give it to Little Boy Jimmy.

SPEAKER_09 1:01:41

Oh, yeah, you really did scratch the J or the S. You really scratched an S into the J here. You really did. That's three people. That's three eyewitnesses. All of your purchase. I'm holding right now in my hand a meta junior, and it looks like you scratched an S. It's a third eyewitness to testify that. What do you have to say about that?

SPEAKER_04 1:02:01

I wasn't the one who scratched that in there. It was it was like that when I purchased. You know I have to see therapy now, right? I didn't, and I will cover the costs. So you Oh!

SPEAKER_09 1:02:13

Oh, don't get me! Sorry. I'm not admitting anything. I'm just saying that I will cover little Jimmy's.

SPEAKER_08 1:02:21

No, no, no. Certainly suspicious. It's certainly suspicious.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:26

I don't maybe we can get this. Yeah, okay, okay. Anybody else? Can someone get little Jimmy from Little Boy News a juice box? You don't tell me what to do. I'm just just asking an open-ended question. No, you're not, you're not.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:39

We're asking the questions.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:40

Okay, okay, dude.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:41

Call on me!

SPEAKER_02 1:02:42

Does anybody have a Call on me? I'm that guy. I'm Mr.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:47

Question from We Ask the Questions News.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:51

Okay, well, great publication. Thank you. You mean that? I do.

SPEAKER_10 1:02:57

He's gonna blush.

SPEAKER_04 1:02:58

Wait, wait, or should I say it like this? I do.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:02

Now you sound sarcastic and it pisses me off. He's no longer blushing. He's angry. It's clenching. Oh, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_04 1:03:07

I like to when you were flush. Don't no. Hey, can is this guy feral? What is going on?

SPEAKER_08 1:03:16

No, I'm okay. Don't don't call him Feral.

SPEAKER_11 1:03:19

Don't call me that. I'm sorry. Blood pressure spiking. Yeah. What can I do for you though?

SPEAKER_10 1:03:27

He fucking falls over. Oh God, can someone get a EMC?

SPEAKER_09 1:03:33

Oh my god! It's me and little Jimmy. Can we get somebody over here? This guy's dying.

SPEAKER_10 1:03:39

And he's gonna point at you, clenching his chest.

SPEAKER_09 1:03:42

You did this. Max Dreck, you did this! Not!

SPEAKER_01 1:03:45

Why'd you do that?

SPEAKER_11 1:03:47

I did not mean to do that. I just asked it.

SPEAKER_01 1:03:50

Oh I was making a It's unbearable!

SPEAKER_02 1:03:53

Oh my Someone help him, please. Um I don't know any medicine. Call on me. Call on me over here. Yeah, yeah, it's over here, yeah.

SPEAKER_10 1:04:04

Hey, it's me. Uh my name is uh My name is Joe Smith from Average News. Um so you know I'm I like to look at things from two perspectives, you know. Maybe you just made a mistake. I just really want to know. When you booted VR chat, you understood that that website, that that game, no matter if you were on a junior or a senior, was not intended for sexual use. Why did you do what you did knowing that?

SPEAKER_04 1:04:33

I think that my actions were misinterpreted. I was not doing any sexual acting. Some yeah, can someone call 911, please?

SPEAKER_10 1:04:42

Hold on, can you finish and hey, can you finish answering my question, please? I was I was right in the middle of a sentence and you cut yourself off. Can you please finish?

SPEAKER_11 1:04:48

I Oh my why is nobody doing anything?

SPEAKER_10 1:04:51

Someone I'm c I'm pulling out my phone and calling 911. This can wait. Sorry, please.

SPEAKER_04 1:04:55

I I'm I was right in the middle of the- Please finish your sentence. Hello? Okay, I I don't think I didn't do any sexual acts on VR Chat. I was not involved in any sexual acts on VR Chat. Oh my god, that man's dead.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:06

How long has that been going on?

SPEAKER_02 1:05:08

Oh for a while.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:14

Okay.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:15

No, nobody called 911.

SPEAKER_10 1:05:19

Yeah. Alright, well, thank you for answering my question. Party to a crime. Thank you for answering my question, thank you.

SPEAKER_04 1:05:26

Yeah, of course. Um, unless there's another interviewer, I'd love to get out of this press conference.

SPEAKER_02 1:05:35

Anybody else?

SPEAKER_10 1:05:38

No, it doesn't look like the fucking guy's gonna slowly rise from behind you in the center from the stage. That's cool ass. Well, it doesn't look like it. Uh Mr. Traffic, would you like to admit to the crowd here? Uh wait. Now I didn't do anything, but here is my guess.

SPEAKER_09 1:05:56

Yeah. Is that oh my god! Holy sh Is that Minnie Zuckerberg? Dude, I'm a huge fan. What is up, dude? Minnie Zuckerberg.

SPEAKER_08 1:06:04

Dude. I'm always glad to meet a fan. We gotta kill this man.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:09

Oh, Max Rabbit?

SPEAKER_08 1:06:11

Absolutely. Alright, that's what I'm gonna do. Minnie Zuckerberg reaches into his briefcase and starts building a tiny rifle. Okay, I'll pull a next button.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:19

Before we kill you, do you want to admit to your crime right now? Go ahead.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:23

I think what I'm being accused of is doing a Lewis CK in VR chat.

SPEAKER_10 1:06:28

He did it. He got it. Actually got it for the first time. That's true. And we're not doing a bit this time. We literally did VR jerking it in VR chat in front of women, but then we changed it to children. Because you're digital. That's a that's that's great, I guess. I don't let it be known this is the first time that Max Traffic has guessed accurately his crime. Woo! Okay for me for masturbating in VR chat around children.

SPEAKER_04 1:06:58

Hypothetically.

SPEAKER_06 1:06:59

No, hypothetically.